Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
