omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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