quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
