you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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