I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
