I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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