Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am available for nakedness
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
