Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sorry about my life...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
