shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
bring money and cleavage
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize