He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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