Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
