god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize