From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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