So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
