I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
