so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
