You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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