Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
