dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
