I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
