Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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