I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
