It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
