stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
