i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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