a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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