We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
