Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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