i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize