So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
