last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
