I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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