The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A+ Viking dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
