So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
