I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
