What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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