he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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