In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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