dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
