Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
