It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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