i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
