Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
