ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
