If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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