i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
