Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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