Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
