Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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