So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
