Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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