You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
