I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
