the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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