im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
