we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
