she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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