You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
