She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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