so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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