Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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