I'm jealous of your bromance
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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