how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
