it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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