So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
