I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
