Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
