My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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