you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
