The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
